Title: The River of Forgetting: A Memoir of Healing from Sexual Abuse
Author: Jane Rowan
Paperback: 270 pages
Publisher: Booksmyth Press (December 2010)
Chapter 1: Pandora’s Box
The memory emerged from a dim corner of my mind, jolting me awake. It was a humid morning in August. The air flowed softly through the bedroom window, bringing in a catbird’s song from the cherry tree just outside. I sat up in bed and propped a pillow behind me, grabbed my spiral-bound journal from its place on the bedside table, and began scribbling:
I am three or four and I hurt between my legs. I’m perched on the toilet in the big bathroom in our house at Shell Beach. The door is opposite me and the light streams in from the window on my right.
I feel the sting when I pee. My mother says that I slipped in the bathtub and fell on the bathtub rim. I have no memory of anything that caused the hurt, but I know I don’t believe her story of how it happened.
Fear sank claws into my stomach. I wondered what had happened and who had hurt me.
No way. Surely not. Not my father. I don’t know how to tell what’s true. I don’t want to make things up.
This was Revelation Day, the day that started me on a long journey into my past. How did it happen that a 52-year-old woman suddenly woke up to the possibility of long-ago abuse? What had kept the issues at bay so long? Why could the past now grab me by the throat?
Also available in a Kindle edition.