Home » Music » STOP MAKING MUSIC by Tom Samuels

STOP MAKING MUSIC by Tom Samuels

Stop Making Music
Tom Samuels
Humor/Satire
Art Book Bindery

“Tonight, I was at the library doing what all of us intellectuals do in our free time: I was reading. Somebody’s ringtone went off and their ringtone was Daniel Powter’s “Bad Day” (not the Fuel song.) The guy who was on the computer next to mine started humming it about a minute later and was like, “Oh great, I have that song stuck in my head again.” He asked me, “Don’t you hate it when you get songs stuck in your head?” I said, “No, because I never do. Only weak minds with low input-security like yours get songs stuck in their heads.” That shut him up.

I’ll be honest here… I used to get songs in my head. Back when I was 8 or so, I had Aerosmith, Backstreet Boys, Fall Out Boy songs in my head all the time. Then, I learned about something called “Input-Security Training.” Probably none of you have heard of this because you’re leagues below the intellectual standard of mua.

Input-Security Training, or IST-Training for short, involves only letting certain, relevant information into your brain. There is a close-guarding of the mind, sort of like security guards, that prevent bullshit from coming in. There is so much bogus information out there; you’re going to have to weed out the weak if you plan to put yourself at a high intellectual standard like I did. Nowadays, thanks to my IST-Training, I can listen to Boyband Radio for 7 hours, hear all the Tool, Broken Social Scene, Yellow Swans, I Love You But I’ve Chosen Darkness. All TRL Wannabes with terrible names, terrible music, and eventually leading to terrible thought patterns that don’t deserve to enter into a self-respecting mind.

Input-Security Training involves destroying thoughts, sort of like Space Invaders or Tetris. Once a bad thought enters the mind, you bring pain upon yourself using physical, psychological, intellectual, arithmetic or aesthetic means. One technique I’ve found that works, which is practiced widely in business, is to always carry around a Rubber band on your wrist. Whenever a bad thought enters your mind, flick yourself hard, so you will associate pain with the thought. It is well-known in psychology that thoughts that are heavily associated with pain will not enter the mind. We can train ourselves not to allow certain thoughts

in our mind. This is Input-Security Training.

One common complaint of Input-Security Training is the amount of consistent pain. Pain, though, by your own intention, is much less traumatic than unintentional pain. Think of it this way: When a friend tickles you, it’s terrible. However, when you tickle yourself, you can hardly feel anything. It works like that. Hurt yourself or the world will hurt you. These are your only choices. As Hoobastank once said, “If you’re hard on yourself, the world won’t be so hard on you.”

Also, you will eventually have to learn to deal with pain, so you might as well get a lot of pain when it’s convenient to you, and not when the PAIN wants to come in. You can thank Input-Security Training for pain coming only when you want. Eventually, you will have absolutely no pain in your life. I am one of the happiest people you will ever meet… well… unless you meet Bono from U2 (anyone that rich must be exploding with happiness.) I am basically spiritual enlightened because I was smart enough to get involved with IST-Training.”

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3 thoughts on “STOP MAKING MUSIC by Tom Samuels

  1. Pingback: Pump Up Your Book Promotion July Authors on Tour - Day 1 « Pump Up Your Book Promotion Virtual Book Tours

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